The Role of a Mother in Child Development

Your mother was supposed to look at you as a child and acknowledge your uniqueness. She should have energetically, psychically, telepathically, verbally, and through her actions made you feel special and unique. In a healthy mother-child relationship, the mother has no personal agenda other than to enmesh with her child, recognizing and affirming their individuality and worth.

The Role of a Mother in Child Development

A mother's role is to look at her child in the crib, recognize their uniqueness, and energetically, psychically, telepathically, verbally, and through her actions, convey that they are special. This creates an enmeshment where the infant, lacking an identity, allows the mother to shape one for them. This is a healthy process. However, when your borderline girlfriend says she loves certain things about you, you regress to a childhood state, trying to heal the part of you that your mother couldn't. Ideally, this can be a healthy dynamic if you're with someone who has an identity and can take on that nurturing role.

The Confusion Caused by Enmeshment with a Borderline

Your confusion arises when an adult, whom you're attracted to, appears to be on the same path as you, suggesting a soulmate connection. However, this is a misconception; the borderline is adapting her identity to match yours. If a little girl expressed the same sentiments, you would feel love and a desire to care for her, but not in a romantic way. When a borderline adult does this, it triggers a desire for maternal enmeshment, leading you to mistakenly believe she is your soulmate.

Projection and Misunderstanding in the Relationship

You're not only falling in love with a regressed version of a person but also projecting your wounded child onto the borderline. This is compounded by the misconception that your borderline is as attached to you as you are to her. However, her attachment is driven by overwhelming infantile needs, not genuine commitment. A borderline's expression of need is often confused with love, stemming from a vulnerable, narcissistic place of self-absorption.

Super Glue Attachment and the Impossibility of Meeting Infantile Needs

This dynamic creates a "super glue" attachment, where you're unaware of the abusive nature of the relationship. The borderline, grown up in an adult body but with unresolved infantile needs, sets up the partner for failure, as no adult can ever meet those intense, traumatic needs. This leads to a cycle where needs are confused with love, creating a complex and unhealthy relationship dynamic.

In addition to recognizing and affirming a child's uniqueness, a mother plays several other crucial roles in their child's development. Firstly, she provides emotional support, offering comfort and security, which are fundamental for a child's emotional and psychological development. A mother often acts as the primary caregiver, addressing the child's basic needs for food, shelter, and safety, which are essential for their physical well-being.

Moreover, a mother plays a pivotal role in socialization, teaching social norms, values, and behaviors. This guidance helps the child to interact effectively within their community and understand societal expectations. She also fosters cognitive development through activities like reading, conversation, and play, which stimulate intellectual growth and curiosity.

Furthermore, a mother's role often involves setting boundaries and discipline, which are important for developing self-control and understanding the consequences of actions. This discipline is balanced with nurturing, ensuring that the child grows in a supportive, loving environment.

Additionally, a mother acts as a role model, her behaviors and attitudes serving as examples for the child to emulate. Through her actions and choices, she conveys lessons about coping with challenges, building relationships, and navigating life's ups and downs.

Finally, a mother provides encouragement and support for her child's interests and endeavors, playing a key role in their sense of self-worth and confidence. By celebrating achievements and providing reassurance during setbacks, she helps her child develop resilience and a positive self-image.

• Child's Uniqueness Recognition and Affirmation
  • Recognizes and affirms a child's uniqueness.
• Emotional Support Role
  • Provides emotional support, comfort, and security.
  • Crucial for child's emotional and psychological development.
• Primary Caregiver Responsibilities
  • Acts as the primary caregiver.
  • Addresses basic needs: food, shelter, and safety.
  • Essential for child's physical well-being.
• Socialization and Guidance
  • Teaches social norms, values, and behaviors.
  • Helps child interact effectively within the community.
  • Aids in understanding societal expectations.
• Cognitive Development Facilitation
  • Fosters cognitive development through reading, conversation, and play.
  • Stimulates intellectual growth and curiosity.
• Discipline and Boundary Setting
  • Involves setting boundaries and discipline.
  • Important for developing self-control and understanding consequences.
  • Balanced with nurturing for supportive growth.
• Role Model Function
  • Serves as a role model through behaviors and attitudes.
  • Conveys lessons about coping with challenges and building relationships.
• Encouragement and Support
  • Provides encouragement and support for interests and endeavors.
  • Key in developing child's sense of self-worth and confidence.
  • Celebrates achievements and provides reassurance during setbacks.
  • Helps develop resilience and a positive self-image.